But God I Really Don't Want To...

"But Mom....I don't want to."   Oh, how I remember saying that as a child.  My mom would ask me to do something and I would complain about doing it.  Of course in the end, I did what I was told.

I find myself often complaining to God.  "But God I really don't want to do this" "God this is too difficult".  The list can go on and on.  When I was young my mom would often remind me of Philippians 2:14-15 "Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.  Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky."

Yes, I find myself still complaining about things to this day.  Learning not to complain about something is very difficult.

Just today, I had to withdraw from one of my college classes putting off my graduation another semester.  I have been wrestling with this for a few weeks now, the idea of not graduating this year and having to withdraw from this class.  I often found myself complaining to God about it.  "Why God, I've worked so hard" "But God, I really don't want to", you get the idea.  I really, really, really did not want to withdraw from this class, and I struggled and inwardly complained to God as I clicked the submit button this morning to withdraw.  As soon as it was done, this overwhelming flood of emotions came over me.

God hears us when we complain and he hates it.  Numbers 11:1 "Now the people complained about their hardships in the hearing of the Lord, and when He heard them His anger was aroused. "  Yikes!! Here I was complaining about having to drop this class, asking God why me.  And here I read that God hates complaining and he his anger burns when we complain.  Well, it is safe to say that I was convicted when I read this.

When hardships arise in my life, like having to withdraw from my class, I fond myself complaining to God about it and I all too quickly forget that in this life I am to expect hardships and adversity.

God has a purpose for each of the hardships that we face in life.  His purpose is that in those moments we draw closer to him and that we will continue to let His light shine through us and that others will see that and we can lead by example.  By God's grace he will carry us through the adversity that we face in our lives.

So, as believers if we know that we are going to face hardships and adversity in life, why do we still complain about it?  We are human.  It is easy to complain about the hard things in life, but when we do complain about those things, we are forfeiting the grace of God that could be ours.

When we complain about our lives, we are clinging to the idol of a perfect life, and we are basically throwing God's grace out the door.  By choosing not to cling to God and His strength we are choosing not to live with true joy in our lives.

Is complaining easy to do? Yes!  Is NOT complaining easy to do? NO!  Do I wish that life was easy and I did not have to make all these big decisions? Yes.

The hardships and adversity that I face in life are there to draw me closer to my Maker, and honestly, why should I complain about that?

As I continue with life and I catch myself saying "But God I really don't want to..." I need to stop and remind myself that God has something BIG and amazing planned for my life, and this is just the path that He is choosing to take me there.

As I sit here thinking about not graduating this year, yes, it is still upsetting, but I know that I need not complain about it because God has a plan for me.

" 'For I know that plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11