It has been quite sometime since I have written a post. I really miss writing and pouring my words out. Life has been insanely busy and through all the "stuff" that happens as a part of having a family, raising kids, working, and being back in school, I have not had a time to just write.
I love the transitive verb definition that Webster has for the word fly "to journey over or through by flying" and "to flee or escape from". I have always loved words and knowing what they mean and what they mean in other contexts. I remember as a child reading the dictionary with my mom just for fun because I wanted to learn more words. Back to the word fly, a journey. I have always said that life is a journey and there are people, places, and things that will always be apart of our journey. BUT on the other hand, there are people, places, and things that are only a stepping stone in our journey. This year has been just that for me. My journey has taken lots of twists and turns, but through it all, I found my wings and I learned how to FLY!
How did I learn to fly? Well, that is where we begin. I don't talk about my dad much and I really have not talked about his death much, but we all process and grieve in our own ways. My dad in January of this year. I had a range of emotions: angry, happy, sad. I truly didn't know how to feel. I decided that I would write a eulogy for my dad. I was very strategic about what and how I wrote my eulogy. I wanted to be honest about my dad but I was not in the mode of slamming my dad:
"...As I say my final goodbye, know that the anger you imparted will always be with me. But instead of a shriveled flower deprived of sunshine and love, I stand firm like an oak tree, my deep roots keep my family foundation strong, while my branches and leaves protect my daughter from life's thunderstorms..."
My life with my dad was no where perfect and I had to learn and grow and make sure that I did better. My dad taught me a few things: 1. What not to do 2. How to be strong 3. How to fly.
After my dad's funeral, I was walking the hallways at work and I stopped at a bulletin board covered in butterflies and I saw me. I saw myself as a butterfly set free and LEARNING how to fly.
During all of this, I was taking a Master's Class that was stretching me as a writer, teacher, and person. I had to complete a Self-Portrait Anthology and through that I learned a lot about me. I will share this project later. Through this class, death of my dad, dealing with my own sickness, and realizing that I was worth more than I was getting as a classroom teacher, I FOUND MY WINGS AND I LEARNED TO FLY! I learned that I am a strong person, I was worth more than what I was doing, and that I can do anything that I put my mind to.
I have learned that when given the chance I can achieve great things. My wings are here and I can fly and I am no longer chained down in a cage.
Here is to my Journey, and hopefully helping others fly too!
Britt
